Gradually I will fill you in on what’s been happening, but for right now, I need this space for my brain.
Last night I met man from a standard (non-sugardaddy) dating site. We had been communicating for a few weeks. He was open with me from the beginning about his sub tendencies and his great desire for BDSM. We are compatible on many levels, but I wasn’t really looking for a play partner of that nature.
I found him physically incredibly attractive, which is rather rare for me to find a cismale. I’m calling him Sylar because that’s who he looks like. Dark and handsome, but also a total geek like me. Our conversations ranged from politics to science fiction, but we always came back to sex-talk in a somewhat clinical fashion. When I mentioned I had a free day, he jumped at the chance and asked me to meet him.
We communicated frequently in anticipation of our meeting. Often the conversation turned to his desire to submit and I found myself reminded of my craving to dominate once again.
He described his foray and desires for anal penetration which only fed my cravings to dominate even more. If you follow my Twitter, you know I’m a sucker for pegging recipients.
After a casual meeting for dinner and coffee, we went to a couple of local sex shops. I had disclosed to him my experience with reviewing and my general knowledge base source for those matters sexual. When I did, he had told me he was using some KY lube. AUGH! So I took him lube shopping.
Lube shopping turned into exploring anal toys for him. Of course the options were severely limited, but he was able to purchase a couple of quality items and some great lubes. During the process of this shopping, we talked about sex, sexual interactions and D/s more than anything else.
We left the last toy store and stopped at a convenient store to grab something to drink. There we sat for nearly 4 hours, talking about our fantasies, limits, and goals. It was easily the most intimate conversation I’ve ever had with a person I had only just known for a couple of weeks.
We kissed a couple of times. It was quite passionate. We were high on all of the possibilities for play between us. We were being very clear with our communication, but it turns out we weren’t being as clear as we thought.
I’ve never entered into a relationship that started with some element of D/s. His goal is to eventually lead a completely submissive lifestyle with his partner. He and I both agree that we like each other quite a bit outside of D/s roles and that any relationship we start must contain some D/s initial elements. We both have experience bringing D/s into a totally “vanilla” relationship and were both uncomfortable with the power exchanges we experienced in the past.
Now my head is spinning. Prior to our telephone conversation tonight, I assumed he wanted me to start exerting a little control over him. I sent him an email with some of my expectations for his behavior and my expressed statements of what I would provide in return.
Then I panicked. I realized I maybe had misinterpreted what he had said, or maybe (being new to starting a relationship this way) I had been foolish in some assumptions.
We spoke on the phone prior to his responding to my email. In keeping with the nature of our very open communication, I told him how much I fear I will grow attached to him only to be disappointed. The D/s element makes me want to move much faster than I have been in recent months. Also, I honestly haven’t met anyone in three months that I even really wanted a romantic interaction with, much less meeting someone I really like who also clearly can fill the cravings I’ve kept at bay for so very long.
He said my email was a pleasant surprise, and not at all unwelcome, but that he felt it was moving too quickly. I agreed with him. We both agreed it is better for us to establish our pace without being in each other’s presence. Clearly that communication was fueled by our tangible attraction to each other in many ways.
I don’t know what to do with all this, but I feel better having gotten it out. Any advice is appreciated. Please do not tell me to read “The Loving Dominant” – I have several times. I would rather receive advice on how to pace the beginnings of these relationships.